Bad Weekend

Dream #1

2010-09-23T05:20:00.000-07:00

I can never ever remember my dreams, but for the last few weeks I've been dreaming and remembering it almost every single night, this is the first one I've recorded.

As with a lot of the dreams I have it seems that two different dreams were sewn together. I don't know where they connected but I'll describe both parts. In the first part I was in High Wycombe, it was dank and the sky was grey. I was on my own walking somewhere and got on a bus from Morrisons to get into the town centre (I'm not sure why, it's so close) I only had £5 and asked how much it would cost to get to town, the guy said £5.30, so I said "really!?" and got off the bus to start walking. For some reason I started to walk the opposite way from Morrisons, for whatever reason this is the path I took. Looking back now I walked down a road which doesn't exist in High Wycombe, past a bunch of shops that don't exist, including a pancake shop called 'WEAK PANCAKES'. The guy in the shop behind the counter wore a chef's hat and white overalls and had a big grey moustache. I remember thinking how silly the shop name was. At some point I saw Will O'Connell (a friend from college and school) and caught up with him while we both walked up a long hill. I don't remember the conversation or what happened after that.

The next part of the dream is the strangest. I walked into a corner shop in a town which I somehow knew but looking back have no idea where it was, in my head I think I thought it was Birmingham (?) and it was around 5:00 in the afternoon, dreary, grey skies again. I went in and walked through to a small back section of the shop where they were renting videos, DVDs and Xbox 360 games. One of the games was a Super Mario/Spider man crossover, it had Super Mario in a Spider man costume riding a bad ass motorbike on the cover. There was an indian woman behind a small counter in that room. Realising I didn't need anything back here I walked through the front counter of the shop, walking past a shelf that stocked 'Gremlin Cider' which had the head of a Gremlin (from the film) on the packaging. I asked an indian lady at the front counter for some large blue rizlas, some green rizlas and a pack of filters. As she turned around to fetch these I noticed two new products by OCB behind the counter - they were aerosol cans, or spray cans at least, one of which was for spraying the end of your spliff with a non-toxic but flammable substance so that you could walk along and light it in inclement wind conditions. At the time I looked at it and marvelled, in fact I almost bought it, and there was a diagram on the box of the cans of a guy lighting a VERY long spliff while walking down a road. The second spray can product was something to do with being able to smoke with the lights off? I think it might have actually been a small circular light like the camping ones you get. The lady offered me 'OCB Extras', which looked like OCB Experts but less wide and slightly longer.

I left the shop and eventually arrived at a flat/house. I'm not sure if I lived in the place, I think I did, but either way when I got there Ruby Willis was there and she drew my attention to a package that had arrived for me. I was really excited for the package and opened it up. It was a multi player accessory that you plug into a Nintendo DS (?) which allows two people to play, but it was two small caricatures that looked a lot like Ruby and her boyfriend, my close friend, Jonny Trussell. They were the size of the little nodding head figures you see in cars. You moved the over sized heads around as the joystick and there were buttons on the sides of the bodies. Very strange, but at the time I'd obviously been waiting for these to arrive for a while and had a good laugh with Ruby about how similar they looked to the caricatures; I think this was the reason I bought them.

The part connecting this and the next event is blurry. I just remember meeting a dealer in the stairway of what seemed to be a large block of council flats, but somehow it was the stairway of the house. We wanted to buy some weed from him, but didn't have any money. Without much conversation he just handed over an eighth and gave us a knowing look that said "I know you're good for the money", and then quite cheekily said, "let me see what you've already got, just so I know", like you would need to know as a dealer? We got out a grinder full of ground up weed and I chirped in saying "it's chocolate Thai, by the way". This is a real strain for those of you wondering, but I'm embarrassed for myself that I even said it. I probably sounded like such a dick.

I can't remember how but suddenly we're all sat outside the front of the house in the street drinking casually and having a laugh. Except it's gone from 5:00pm and dreary to 2:00pm on a clear bright day. When I say 'we're' by the way, I mean suddenly there's maybe 10 of us all sat outside, I can't remember them arriving but I remember there were people I knew like Stephen Clare (Steve O) and Jordan Gaster, I can't remember who else. Nothing mad happened, we were all just intoxicated and having fun until the police turned up. We didn't move for ages, they seemed more interested on getting a background from other people around me as to why we were here, what was going on. Next thing I know, a male police officer is questioning a drink on the floor saying "are you sure that's all that was in it? Look at Stephen" - Steve O was very drunk bumbling around barely able to walk or speak. I remember pranging because some of us had weed, but I knew mine was in the house, so it was nothing to worry about as long as they didn't go in there. They did.

They went upstairs to the small living area I'd been sat in before with Ruby. There was a grinder on the table, both parts separated, ground up weed sitting in it. "Right, we're gonna need to have a look around". "Shit," I thought to myself, "as long as I stay out of it, I'll be fine." They left the room to go into what I think was my own room, which was very, very small, just a desk and a bed. While they were gone, lo and behold, there's a large brick of compressed shitty weed sitting on the living room table that they somehow didn't notice. I picked it up and put it in my pocket. I then notice a pack of OCB rolling papers which has ground up weed tucked into it (?) so after trying to hide it under a bed and deciding that's a bad idea as they might find it, I picked up a bin and put the bin back on top of it. A pretty good hiding place I reckoned. As if these sudden findings of cannabis wasn't enough, I look up from the bin at the handle of the door in the living room. Somehow, wedged BEHIND the straight handle, is a bunch of ground up weed. Just sort of wedged behind it. I just left it there for some reason. I then hear my house mate calling from far away within a room somewhere in the house - my house mate, obviously, is Lara Henry, a girl I used to know from an amateur youth acting company in Beaconsfield when I was younger. When I found her after lots of shouting asking where she was (she was in a room immediately next to the living room all along) she opened the door to see the police man standing there (she obviously hadn't realised police were in her house searching it for drugs) who then jokingly said "he's pregnant", referring to me. She played along and acted shocked. This makes literally no sense because it was Lara who was calling to ask me something, not me calling to ask her something, so the policeman had actually made some ridiculous joke that, in the dream, seemed fine.

I woke up after that. I can actually attach a bunch of the things in this dream to my subconscious making references to stuff that's been happening at the moment and stuff I've been thinking about. Very strange, but I'm going to try and record any more dreams I have before I forget them.

the land of the free

2010-07-28T05:52:00.001-07:00

I got back from my family trip to America this morning and something weird has happened. Before the plane left Las Vegas airport I was thinking about how I wish we could have stayed longer and everything - the standard end of holiday blues. But when the plane was racing down the runway and then when it left the ground so we could see the city from above I immediately started to choke up. Tears started to fill my eyes. I managed to hold them back but I spent at least 10 minutes staring out of the window watching the endless Nevada desert mountains while holding back tears. I made a very deep connection with Las Vegas while I was there and I can't put my finger on it. Something about the way that town is put together really grabbed me and I was absolutely fascinated by everything I experienced while I was there.

Before I continue I want to expel a thought which, no doubt, may be planted in your mind. Yes, Las Vegas is famous for its hotels and the vast casinos within, but that is really only the very beginning of what makes this town special for me. I mean, the only times we got to see the hotels were when we passed the strip on the highway so it's not even that part of the town that contributed to my experiences there. Las Vegas is stereotyped as some insane party town where all you do is gamble and drink. It's a 24 hour town, no doubt about that, but the Sin City really is confined to one area which is just the strip where the hotels are, the rest of the place is shops and residences. Anyway, there's someone I need to introduce to you so I can continue trying to describe the hold that Las Vegas now has on me, and her name is Amy.

She's my aunt's boyfriend's niece, or to put it another weirder way, my aunt's future boss's daughter. She came to the family reunion that we camped at in Pine Valley, Utah, and after realising that our music tastes were spookily similar we decided to meet up again before I left to hang out. One thing I love about Americans is that almost every single one you will ever meet is just as friendly as the next. Amy is no exception and after spending only a night with her and her friends I love the girl to bits. It was this night that really gave my experience that extra personal spin I think. Amy and her friends are all 17-19, lovely people and very funny. She picked me up from my aunt's house and we went straight to a shop called Zia Record Exchange which just buys and sells loads of music and DVDs. They have a surprisingly good range of more obscure and British alternative and indie which Amy had obviously latched onto, so we spent a while looking around to find different CDs for each other, it was a lot of fun! Bands I recommended her included The Cribs, Jack Penate, The Coral, Bloc Party and more.

After we got a Slurpee each at the 7 Eleven we went to see Amy's friend Alex at his house. Alex was a great guy and had been turned onto a lot of the music he likes by Amy, and I like all the stuff she likes too, so that was a good starting point. We listened to the likes of Passion Pit, Two Door Cinema Club and Vampire Weekend while puffing on a hookah for a couple of hours. Alex's girlfriend turned up for a little while too. We even smoked some of this stuff called Dooja, a legal substitute to cannabis that worked surprisingly well. While we sat and talked and laughed I really felt like I'd made some new solid friends, this is probably where my attachment began to take a deeper hold because we just got on really well!

A couple more of Amy and Alex's friends came round and joined us and they were also awesome. We departed to meet up with Amy's boyfriend, Damon, and her best friend Ingrid, and then headed to a hookah bar where a couple more of her friends met us. I wish that me and my English friends had easy access to a sweet hookah bar at 10.30pm any night, it was so nice to sit there and chill and just make conversation while relaxing with a hose. Anyways, so Damon is lucky enough to have benefited from an American law passed known as Proposition 215 - known to most as a marijuana card. This gives you access to a health service appointed store full of as much professionally grown, medical standard cannabis as you could want. No seriously, as much as you could want. Damon's card allows him up to an ounce a day. We sampled some mind blowing New York Sour Diesel courtesy of Damon and I got especially spangled just because in the US they almost exclusively smoke through pipes and bongs and don't use any tobacco in their mix. I'm used to the UK traditions of smoking joints and using tobacco, so after a few pipe hits and a silly hit from a $100 bong it had done the trick, to say the least.

For the rest of the night we chilled and watched a film, got a McDonalds (their medium size meals are bigger than our larges by the way) and fell asleep on the sofas. All I could think the whole night is how much I wished that I lived in Vegas, that these people were my friends, my routine was theirs. Something about just being there made me feel really homely and happy in a way that I don't even get here in England. It's not until I've reflected on it now that I understand how strange this is, to feel such a positive and homely connection with a place that I have no experience with living in, only visiting since I was young.

I keep thinking, because I have an American passport as well as a British one I can go to the US to live and work there whenever I want. No Visa required, no hassle. If I didn't have the prospects I have right now lined up right in front of me for a degree and a career in the UK, I think I'd already be trying to plan how I could move there. I have so much family in Utah and Arizona that it would actually all just fall into place, I'd have so much endless support. Fuck it, maybe one day I'll find a way to live in Vegas, but until then I have enjoyed this trip in more ways than I could have previously conceived. Here's hoping I can go back soon.

aerophile

2010-07-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

I went away to Serbia for a week with a bunch of friends and had the time of my life. It was so relaxed; between friends, at the festival itself, in the town, money constraints. Such a great time. £1 for 20 cigarettes, £1 for a beer. Yeah, exactly. Got royally fucked the first night of the festival to a degree where, apparently, "I should have been paralytic or passed out, but somehow I was still awake". Pictures and videos aplenty, don't you worry.

I'm going to America tomorrow for a week with my family to see American relatives, we'll be hitting up Las Vegas first as always to meet my Aunt Marsha and then a couple of days later we'll be heading out to Pine Valley for a big family reunion/event thing. It's always family based lols. We've been to America a good 6 or 7 times to visit family right from when I was a baby, but now I'm older and I know I will appreciate it way more. Being in America makes me happy and I'm going to take as many photos via the wonderful Hipstamatic app for iPhone as it will allow me.

Strangely the part I am most looking forward to is the flight over there and back, I don't know what it is about aeroplanes but I always get really excited. The chilling out in a pretty comfy chair, food and drinks brought to you, little TV in front of you (with games if you're lucky enough). A long distance flight and actually being on a plane always act as a sedative for me, I feel so comfortable and sleepy. Weirdly I also love airline breakfasts, dinners and snacks. Everyone seems to think they're distinctly average but I crave them. Pretty weird but true. I also absolutely love waking up mid-slumber to something like this:

You feel like you're on top of the world, literally.

It's odd how smells and feelings are often the most prominent and easiest to recognise from memory. I know exactly how my Aunt Marsha's back yard in Las Vegas smells when it's hot and you've just gotten out of the pool. I know exactly how my Aunt Colleen's garage in Tucson smells and the smell of the heat in the air when you start driving through their neighbourhood. I remember the wave of intense heat that hits you once you glide through the automatic doors at Phoenix airport, leaving air conditioned territory and entering the harsh Arizona sun, even under shade. These are some of the most nostalgic elements of my past for me, I'm so sure I'll always remember them with such sensitivity and accuracy. This is great, because my long and short term memory otherwise is actually falling apart nowadays. I can't wait to be boarding that aeroplane in 11 hours :)

glory years

2010-06-13T15:32:00.000-07:00

Absolutely huge turn around. Took the day off work a month ago, looked for internet related video courses online that were still taking applications. I found Web Media Production and Management - a brand new course launching this September studying the creation and organisation of multimedia on the internet. When I found this I just couldn't believe what I was seeing, it's just so perfect for me! To make a quotation about the 'kind of student' they want:

"If you are already using the internet in a creative way; posting video to YouTube, running a Twitter feed, uploading photos to Flickr or exploring immersive environments such as World of Warcraft or The Sims, then this course will help you develop a career in the new creative industries."

Oops, looks like I just came all over myself before finishing the first sentence. So I applied, got an interview, attended, nailed it and got the last place available for the degree. I have a very good feeling about this thing. A career in the industry I'm studying will be ever-changing, fun, current, creative and incorporates what I have spent so many of my waking hours browsing; the internet. The university I'll be at is Ravensbourne who are moving to a brand new delicious campus directly next to the O2 in Greenwich, another incredible plus because I've always wanted to live in London and now I'll be spending 3 years there! Not to mention the new campus is pretty jaw dropping, please take 20 seconds out to check out the 3D virtual tour of the outside of the new buildings, it looks amazing! Find the link right here.

I move from the flat back to my parents' house in just under 2 weeks. It's been such a valuable experience and I have learnt so much. Yeah, the basics of fending for yourself and earning a living, but actually even more so I've learnt a lot about myself and about my friends. All sorts, good and bad, but all lessons that have and will continue to contribute to the way I live my life.

Almost from the very first month I moved in here my god awful excuse for an employer has decided to fuck me over by cutting me off from a week of work every month (often more) which has made things very difficult for me. 'Budgeting' doesn't even cover it, seriously. I've been spending weeks and sometimes fortnights with a budget ranging from £0 - £10. To be fair, it's been a steep learning curve though and now I'm ready for whatever student life wants to throw at me. Ironically, I might even be better off most of the time as a student - I wont have to work a 5 day 9-5 week for my income which will be... well, bliss.

Entirely new people, entirely new city, going back into an exciting education, fuckadoodledoo I think I might be entering my (first of many) glory years.

keep surprising yourself

2010-04-11T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm near enough 'over' all this university rejection stuff. I've at least embraced the fact that I should seize this opportunity not as a wall but as a future that I now have the chance to mold into any shape I want. It could actually be a god send that I'm not going to university, who knows. That said, university is still an option and by no means am I ruling it out.

I'm very gracious to have two very caring and supportive parents who are willing to give me any help I need in whatever field it is I choose to go into. They've said they'll support me for the next year which means I can live at home and make working at that fucking call centre a rarity instead of a 5 day per week marathon through fields of shit and stinging nettles. Which, anyone who works there will confirm, it is.

I'm still very confused about what to do but I should relish the fact that actually, right now, I don't have to make that decision. I'm hoping this summer will be massively inspirational for me. I'm going to Serbia in July and 10 days after arriving home I'll be jetting off to America with my family to attend our first family reunion in years. I think I'm old enough now to appreciate the meaning of a family reunion. The fact that my family actually has an annual reunion depicts quite perfectly the warmth and sincerity that emanates from my American relatives. I can't wait!

I'm staying in the USA for an extra week too to spend some time in California with friends of the internet; first and foremost a guy called Todd who happens to be completely awesome and who I cannot wait to see. I want to explore new places and experience new things, my current lifestyle genuinely stifles my creativity just because I never get out and do stuff outside of this town and these friends. There's nothing wrong with that and obviously I'm really glad to be where I am and to know the people I know, but for the sake of my creative mind both right now and in the future I'm determined to start breaking out a little. It's so important to keep surprising yourself. Those of you lucky enough to be regular readers of this blog will hear about it every step of the way, so here's hoping you enjoy it as much as I will!

You're welcome

2010-03-25T06:05:00.000-07:00

So a couple of months have passed since I last entered a blog post. Things are looking sort of bleak for me right now.

Having applied to Bournemouth, Southampton Solent, Sheffield Hallam and Farnham UCA to study Film Production, a few days ago I'd been rejected by all but Farnham and Solent. I only really applied to Farnham as a last minute addition on recommendation from a friend studying the same course there already. Solent however, offered me a conditional place - conditional that I sent them my A Level certificates and Art Foundation certificate too. Here's the bit where I start to look like an idiot.

On my UCAS application, seeing as I passed the first two modules of Art Foundation before leaving the course, I said I had passed, because technically I had passed the parts of the course I attended for. There was no option on the application form for 'modules completed' etc, only 'pass', 'merit' or 'fail'. I decided, (perhaps naively) that I would attach a 'pass' to it and explain fully in the accompanying personal statement my reasoning for leaving the course early. Surely they'd put 2 and 2 together and understand the situation? Wrong.

Southampton Solent Registry adds up the points gathered from your qualifications. Someone else in an entirely different department checks personal statements. After passing emails to and fro with the Registry for a couple of weeks and filling myself with false hope, an 020 number tried to call me at work a couple of days ago. I called the number back on my afternoon break. A brief conversation with the Registry attendant I spoke to confirmed my worst fears. They were under the impression I had completed an Art Foundation diploma; this brought me up to enough UCAS points to meet minimum entry requirements. When they found out I hadn't done the whole qualification they informed me it wasn't enough and that my application had been rejected. This, 2 days after I'd gone to an inspiring open day, was crushing. The bitch on the phone was cold and unforgiving. I was left absolutely speechless, in a state of shock and after a few moments of stunned silence she calmly declared "you're welcome. Goodbye." and hung up.

In that moment I felt like the past 9 years of my life in education - which I have always seen as a decade of grabbing for something unknown in the dark - was null and void. I've never ever even been half sure of what I want to do with my life despite what I've said in the past. I finally found something that motivated me, took a leap of faith by leaving Art Foundation to pursue it with vigour, and now I'm told that after all I should have stuck with that boring course that I hated. Farnham is the last uni left that might take me and there's no way I'm going there just by default.

There are so many different paths I have to consider now, but it's so overwhelming. So many of my close friends are already in their second year at university and I feel like I've spent a few years fucking up my chance to be in their position. It's just a case of where to start. I've always been incredibly unorganised and have such a busy head that I find it near impossible (seriously) to gather coherent thoughts for long periods of time. I think it's about time I grabbed life by the balls and sculpted my own path to follow. Well, here goes.

an audience with the pope

2010-01-27T09:43:00.001-08:00

I totally expected living off my own back to be some massive head trip of crazy fun for the first while, and then I'd come down to reality and have to start taking it all really seriously, and then find my balance of work and fun over time. Turns out that I'm pretty good at budgetting as far as paying the bills go, and every night I'm with my friends, pretty much always doing something. I'm loving this so much and I have adjusted to the lifestyle instantaneously!

First rent (from my own funds) is due in a few days, it's all sitting in my bank ready to fly into my landlady's account. Not interesting for you, but exciting for me - it's my first ever residence-based payment that I've earnt myself! Living expenses are a little tight, but it's all working out fine, I have plenty to survive on! Working a 5 day week isn't so bad when you've got a genuine incentive and goal to meet, I'm not tempted to skip work any more. Well, sometimes I am. But a boy needs holiday time! If you want to see my room/flat and haven't yet then head over to youtube.com/blogmaths.

I'm determined to strengthen my DVD collection while I'm living here, especially after meeting a new friend recently and hearing about his 900(!!) strong collection. I've just ordered The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou, The Darjeeling Limited and Road to Perdition, three of my favourite films ever, as well as The Science of Sleep, a film directed by Michel Gondry that I haven't seen and am really interested in. "But what's already in your DVD collection, Ivens?" I hear you cry. 'Ave a butchers (click for big version):

I still need another 20-30 to reach my desired minimum collection of personal favourites and then I hope to extend it to loads of films I've always liked, loads I've always wanted to see and then thanks to Amazon's 'you might also like...' feature, loads I never knew about that I should add to it. Not to mention many box sets and TV shows. The collection's missing 3 or 4 DVDs that are currently on rent to friends by the way.

A gradually increasing group of myself and friends have all decided to hit up Serbia this Summer to attend EXIT festival 2010 - check out www.exitfest.org for photos and line ups of previous fests. Firstly it's in a lovely town called Novi Sad (which I have been told is nicer than Marlow, for you Bucks dwellers) and everything is stupid cheap - most expensive pint of lager being 90p. Fucking win. Everything else is just as cheap too. For a 13 bedroom complex with a pool, kitchen and living room, we're looking at £120 a head for 5 nights, which is blindingly good. With flights, festival ticket, accommodation and spending money we're looking at £500+ but friends who attended last year have assured us it is worth every penny! Can't wait!

Peace out home boys and girls, I'll be back soon. For now keep an eye on Blogmaths.

the birth of Grivens

2010-01-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

As of January 3rd, Michael Ivens will be the paying tenant for an occupancy in High Wycombe! Pretty crazy, I can't believe it's actually happening and, suddenly, I've become very scared of the big bad world. Anxiety is waving the finger of responsibility at me but excitement is slapping me round the face and giving me a pep talk.

Dinner ready for me when I get home? Laundry done for me? Being cleaned up after? All things that will literally within 48 hours fly out of the window. I'm anticipating that for the first couple of weeks I'll miss home and miss the company of my parents, but I'm very happy about the fact that I will no longer be living under the guise of two (alleged) authority figures and will be forced to learn independent living. I know I need this, and I know it will be invaluable to me for university life in September and for eventual later life!

The weirdest thing about all of this is that tomorrow I have to spend all day packing my most important possessions from the 19 years of my life so far into boxes to bring to a tiny room in a totally new environment. Not in my house. I'm telling you now I'm gonna well up.

I'll post up some photos of the house and there'll obviously be future blogs/videos conducted there anyway.

As for university, I'm still waiting in a queue of many for my old Art Foundation tutor to write me a personal reference and send in my UCAS form. To be fair, he's not leaving it very late or anything (THERE'S THIRTEEN DAYS UNTIL THE FINAL DEADLINE. HE'S HAD SO LONG NOW.)

This is a little out of the blue but recently it's a subject that has been really irritating me. Take from this what you will but it is just my genuine opinion pouring out in its purest form...

Here is my new rule. If you are opposed to the abuse of illicit substances and intoxicants, you are not allowed to get up in my face about it. Guess what? By trying new experiences that perhaps others have shied away from and by accepting the trust of my friends to introduce me to new viewpoints and perspectives through the ingestion of varied substances, I am not a failure at life, nor am I a lonely crack head living on the streets. I get wasted just like everyone else my age is, but OMGNOWAI it's not always by attacking my liver with buckets of alcohol. Sometimes I use other, cheaper, quicker alternatives that often turn out to be more fun.

I don't want to be seen as massively condoning the constant use of illegal drugs for fun because obviously that is just unhealthy, however I will unreservedly and always say the same; the occasional use of a controlled substance amphetamine, herbal or otherwise, must not be seen as a disgusting taboo. There is a gross misconception surrounding the use of drugs nowadays. I'm frankly ashamed to know people who think it's fine go and spend £40 getting wankered in a shit club, but turn there nose up to those who try an upper now and then for half the money and often an entirely new level of personal and social experience. I hope that the world starts to think for itself a little more in the future when it comes to this kind of thing.

I could go on for days about this, but I wont. Happy Christmas, happy new year and, um... don't do drugs?

your hair's straight but your boyfriend ain't

2009-12-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

Girls? Are you kidding me? Do you want to confuse me any fucking more? Just when I think I've found a way over your impenetrable fortress' wall, some dickhead comes round the corner and pushes me off and I go flying to the ground again. Mmmm. Metaphors.

Seriously though! Aaaaahhhh, when are girls ever going to stop confusing me. I feel like such a twelve year old doing this blog but it's become so much more important to me recently. I need to prove to myself that I can get with a nice girl before I lose all of my self confidence!

Pretty blunt but yeah.

On further thought about this, it's not even that my approach is wrong, (as far as I'm aware) I just find the wrong girls to try it on with I think. I hope university comes up with the goods :(

we travel by night

2009-12-02T18:10:00.000-08:00

I've been on tour with my friends' band Lights & Sounds for the past 11 days, filming the general banter and performances to make into a couple of tour videos after we have completed the tour in 3 days time at the Camden Underworld.

Today was the one day off we get on this tour, in which I went to see New Moon. While the film was cheesier than a cheddar/stilton hybrid, Radiohead has once again somehow made its way into the soundtrack, and even better, in the second installment of the Twilight saga Thom Yorke has written an exclusive and previously unheard track. It's called Hearing Damage and I've downloaded it via the New Moon OST.

Browsing some of the footage I have taken on the tour so far, I came across a large section of film I took with the camera poised against the tour bus window, recording the passing lights and cars that float by in the darkness of the motorway. I have matched this footage to Thom Yorke's new tune and have thus entered myself into a very difficult editing challenge. Cutting up bits of footage which are all essentially red or white dots on a black background and a) making it interesting without being repetitive, and b) making it fit with the music is quite difficult.

The sombre tone of the music sets off the footage really well. Only thing is that I'm getting lost in the track and repetitive footage, getting a little hypnotised by it at times. It might take me a few days, but that's nice because usually I rush all my work in an afternoon, never more than a day.

Anywho, I'm going to let that project simmer while I finish the rest of the tour and potentially get a little more night time driving footage in too. Peace out brosephs.

"i'm flattered!"

2009-10-24T08:23:00.000-07:00

This will probably be the funniest blog entry I ever put up. Prepare yourself, this one's a good'un.

So today I was working at my job (a market research call centre for those of you who don't know) and basically fell in love over the phone. The girl I was speaking to sounded hot from the start, this cute sort of understated but intelligent hotness - I quickly started summoning faces in my head of who I was speaking to. She was eating something through most of the survey, whatever it was she was slurping it in a way that seemed suggestive and we flirted for the whole time. I was actually pretty distressed that the call had to end, but she asked for the name of the company and who she was speaking to, I definitely felt some sort of connection, I was so sure of it.

As the call ended everyone around me started leaving for the lunch break. A little dazed and lovestruck I stumbled from my computer and told Tim and Ruby what had just happened.

"Why didn't you write down her number?"

Fuck! Why didn't I write down her number!? I had the perfect opportunity to take her contact details and I fucking missed it when it was staring me in the face! Surely I couldn't just throw this away.

After the lunch break I went back into work and asked a manager if I could have access to the interview so I could 'check the answers she gave me for spelling mistakes'. I wrote down the number and twenty minutes later, too full of excitement to contain it any longer, I told my manager I felt ill and made my way home.

As I left the building the sun came out, I put on some sweet tunes on my iPod and at a quick pace set off to the train station. I got there and a train was literally about to leave back to my stop, I made it though - it seemed like things were panning out like a film, this couldn't be too good to be true, it felt too real on the phone. I walked half an hour home, my feet barely touching the ground and sat down in my study.

All these doubts were flying around my head - surely this is ridiculous? I can't let myself do this! This is so stupid! But I managed to over ride those thoughts and hesitantly punched the number into the phone.

She picked up pretty much instantly.

"Hey... is this Mary?"
"...Yup?"
"Hi, this is Mike from the call centre earlier - (this next sentence had gone through my head a hundred times on my way home) this might seem a little weird, and maybe I'm completely out of line but I really enjoyed our conversation earlier, even if it was just some stupid questions. You seemed like the sort of girl I'd really like to meet up with... would you be up for meeting for a drink or something?"
"...Wow! This is such a shock... um, whereabouts do you live?"
"I live near London, I know it's pretty far from you but I can get a train up north pretty easily."
"Yeah, I live in Beverly - it's a bit of a trek!"
"I can get time off whenever I need, would you still be up for it?"
"Yeah, sure! I mean, well lets start by swapping email addresses and... we can go from there! (Best. Pause. Ever.)
I just need to ask - how old are you?"

Oh shit, I thought this might come up.

"Uh, I'm 19-"
"-ohnonononono... I'm sorry, I really can't do that, you might be in for a bit of a shock. I'm 38 with a little boy."

At this point, my hopes had been shattered but I was still desperate for this fairy tale romance to become true.

"Well, I mean, it doesn't bother me? I'm still game if you are?"
"No no, I'm sorry, I'm very flattered but I'm a bit old for you I think."
"Ok, well thanks for considering it anyway! And could you do me a favour?"
"Yeah, what's that?"
"Don't tell my manager?"
"Haha, of course I wouldn't darling! Thank you very much, that's very sweet - I'm flattered! But I don't think this can happen, it wouldn't be right."
"Ah, ok. No worries. Ok, bye."

I spent a few minutes laughing to myself - I'm not the sort of guy to ever do this! Pretty glad I did though, definitely gonna be telling this one to the grand kids.

a weight lifted

2009-10-11T14:14:00.000-07:00

Every Tuesday morning, whilst walking half an hour to Beaconsfield train station to get to work, I stop to withdraw £10 from my fresh weekly paycheck. The ticket machine at the train station doesn't provide change in notes, so when I feed it my new, crisp £10 note every Tuesday I am faced with a day spent lugging around a pocket filled with £7.80 in coin change.

I just got a debit card. Means I can pay for everything without the need for a physical money transaction. No more Tuesday morning wallet stuffing. Sometimes it's the little things that perk me up.

I'm in a strange place at the moment. I don't know whether I'm melancholy, confused, curious or completely unsure of myself.

photographic memory

2009-09-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

So this is the tattoo I'm getting on my right arm once I've booked it in:

This is my new hobby when I'm at home and I'm bored; just sittin' and mixin' all my favourite songs into a coherent DJ set. It's so much fun:

This is a film I watched for like the fifth time yesterday. Only film to have ever made me cry out of happiness every time I see it:

And here is a pair of shoes that combines my inability to ever escape from the clutches of the plimsoll (of which I have had too many pairs to mention) and my adoring love for boat shoes (of which I own zero pairs, somehow):

Peace and love x

all seems lost

2009-09-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

I don't enjoy feeling sorry for myself and I can't say it happens that often.

But when it does, I'm usually crushed by it. I think the main thing that's missing from my life right now is a girl. It's not that hard to put right, right? I try my hardest but nothing ever comes of it, not even a kiss, and it's starting to seriously dent my self esteem. So I meet this awesome girl the other night, I manage to get her number, and I was absolutely hammered at the time but nonetheless, she was completely sober, so obtaining her number seemed like a pretty reasonable achievement.

We arranged that we'd see each other at a gig that was happening on Saturday, (tonight) and I've not looked forward to something so much in a long time. I see her at the gig and then at a party afterwards, but being my usual self I completely lack in any fucking balls and manage to talk to her very briefly a couple of times in the early stages of the party, hardly showing interest, genuinely because I wasn't brave enough to make any sort of move. Before I know it, a guy I know is all over her, arm around her, holding hands, clearly knocking me out of the water. I then tried miserably to wiggle my way back into conversation all night in the hope that he'd lose interest or something.

He gave her a lift home and they left together.

What the fuck is it? Do girls honestly prefer it if you're making physical contact with them all night? Do they actually like it more if you're trying to hold their hand all night when you've just met them as opposed to making them laugh and engage them in some genuinely captivating conversation?

Ok so I realise, after typing that, that I sound like a fucking gay. Clearly 'captivating conversation' has no place in getting with a girl. Why can't I grow some fucking balls and learn to show a girl some attention when I want them to know I'm interested? It all goes back to a complete lack of self confidence I think - when I sum up the courage to chat to/flirt with a random girl, it takes so much of my energy and bravado to do it that when crunch time comes around and I need to make a further move I just can't do it. I don't believe in myself that it's something I could pull off. In the words of a Radiohead film, "meeting people is easy"; I guess it's the 'being forward' phase that I 'm just too pussy to do.

I don't know why I get so personal on a blog that everyone can see. Fuck it, I don't talk to anyone about these things in this kind of detail, the public will do.

A bit of self confidence could go a long, long way I think.

since 19 eight to the 0 i've been takin' control

2009-08-03T03:52:00.000-07:00

Ok so here's the first dream I've remembered in ages, literally woke up 5 minutes ago.

For some reason I had to back to my secondary school, John Hampden. I'm walking round the corridors in uniform, with my beard and wearing a trilby. This little fat year 8 comes up and plays the drums on a patch of the skin on my waist that's showing while I put on my bag. Now, I've contemplated to myself over the past few years just how erratically I would act if I had to go back to a school - I've got my own ideas about authority now, and having not been under the pressure of grammar school discipline for a few years, I've grown to despise the idea of it.

So this kid who patted a drum beat on my waist? I hit him round the face. In that moment I felt I'd liberated every time I've ever taken shit from anyone. I'm not sure how because technically it was a 19 year old hitting a 12 year old round the mouth, so really it's a horrid thing to do, but I felt fucking brilliant at the time.

Of course, it being a dream, the hit only really half connected with his face, his glasses sitting slightly off his face. "Wait until the headmaster hears about this" he said in the typical smug posh-boy way that you became acustomed to at a grammar school. I then spent a few minutes trying to convince him not to tell the headmaster, it didn't work, but eventually I gave up and went round the corner to the stairwell where, obviously, there was an '8 Courses for £8' table, with lots of different food in bowls, but then there were tables going all round the centre of the stairs as it went up, with different food in all the bowls. One of the prefect geeks was running it, he told me about his 'delicious cookies' he'd cooked. They looked good, but instead of chocolate chips on them he'd spread what looked like hot Nutella? I thought it would be rude to ask why he'd done that (even though it was fine to hit a 12 year old round the face).

Then for some unknown reason I had to find my old French teacher Mrs Dixon so I asked one of my old English teachers who was passing in the hall way, Bella Wheater. I was a little disappointed that she didn't recognise me.

Then Luke rang me and woke me up. Wish it could have continued.

when i'm at those pearly gates

2009-07-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

So weird how I just forget for a while how much I love Radiohead. They really are on such a different level in their music to anything else I've ever heard. The haunting emotion and soul-filling epic music they write has always hit me in the same way whenever I hear it, something other bands have never yet managed with me, I can't see this ever changing and I genuinely feel that they've broadened my mind in not just musical taste but in the way I think, the way I relate to emotion. They are an incredible assembly of guys with the ability to create the most beautiful music I think I will ever hear.

To celebrate this I'm getting a tattoo in the next few months of some Stanley Donwood graphics; he's the guy who does all of Radiohead's album art and manages to perfectly sync the macabre political themes he constantly nods to in his work with that of Radiohead's music. I've got a promotional poster he created for their album Kid A framed on my bedroom wall:

Fiver on eBay, original print! Bargain. This is the graphic I'd like to get, probably at the top of my left arm beneath the shoulder wrapping round my arm:

Anyway, enough Radiohead bumming. Have a listen to this if you have some headphones. It's two of Radiohead's tracks, one played normally and the other played backwards over the top, then it's done the other way round. Make sure you listen to it from start to finish. Dedicate 4 minutes to it. It might well blow you away.

so chillin'

2009-07-12T12:09:00.000-07:00

Oh my god, I haven't written a blog in so long! The 'Bad Weekend' bookmark in my Firefox has been sitting there staring at me since February but I always avoided it. Weird how this always happens with blogs. Not just with me but with a lot of my friends it seems.

Gonna keep this short and sweet if possible. Little catch up for y'all.
- I quit Art Foundation
- I'm applying for Film Production at Bournemouth for 2010
- In the meantime I've been doing all of Lights & Sounds' video stuff, loads of live music recordings, and I've got so many plans for future video stuff during this Summer
- I now work at Maven, a market research call centre in Wycombe

I miss this blog. But I'm still making videos all the time on YouTube so get on that.

this house is a fuckin' prison, on planet bullshit, in the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks

2009-02-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

I need this super expensive (but super awesome) video camera so that I can film some good quality showreel material for my portfolio; i'll need a packed out boom ting sugar explosion of a porfolio to get into an alright uni come interviews in Autumn. My parents have laid down the law however and made it clear that they wont get me this camera unless I get a job - this is actually sweet because it means I have to get off my arse and try to get a job instead of floating about finding out that places haven't got vacancies when I wish they did.

I'm absolutely fucking sick of having no money. Currently, my life revolves around making sure my car doesn't run out of petrol and making sure I always have cigarettes, my only source of income, however, is the money my friends give me for lifts. It's not easy.

I'm back in the same place in my mind where I was when I started hating my A Levels. I don't want to be on this course, I want to be making videos and learning about film production from scratch so I can build up my knowledge. Right now I'm doing coloured prints of symbols that represent 'journeys' onto scenes cut out from old magazines. I couldn't give less of a fuck about it. I'm sticking through it because I need to come out with an Art Foundation certificate to go onto university. Although I haven't actually been in for a couple of weeks because I owe a lot of work in, and recently received a letter about it - but now I have a deadline to work towards which I will meet.

I'm going to make music video for this song in the Summer when I get my camera:

It's all planned out in my head and I've never looked forward to anything more than making this music video I swear. I'm going to put a lot of time into it because I want to impress at the interviews.

I downloaded and watched Stepbrothers today, it was absolutely fucking brilliant. Definitely watch it if you can; possibly my favourite Will Ferrell film now?

hey, wanna buy a ghost?

2009-01-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

I've always loved these guys and now they've got a friggin' DVD out of aaaall their internet sketches and some bonus stuff too as well as t shirts.

I want two of those t shirts and the DVD because when they run out of the DVDs they wont be producing any more batches of them!

$20 DVD + $18 t shirt + $18 t shirt = $56 = £40

I coulda got all that stuff for about £30 about six months ago :/

gordon brown's decaying forehead

2009-01-21T04:48:00.000-08:00

Sometimes making a shopping list of the things I want to buy is a therapeutic task for me. So that's what I'm going to do right now. This is a list of all the things I want/need, but cannot have because I have no job.

National Insurance Card so I can actually apply for a job = £40 (!!)
New iPod = £150
New Head Unit for car = £100
Decks/New Vinyls = £500
New Badmaths range = £250-300
Sony High Definition Handycam = £550

Even when I do get a job, I doubt I'll get round to saving up for the decks, because that's half a grand after all and whilst I'm excited about getting them, my motivation for it is surpassed by the camera, which I probably will manage to save up for as at the moment my Sony video camera is buggered because the lense goes in and out of focus randomly when it's sitting completely still, and also the quality it films in has radically changed and I can't figure out why. It's out of warranty and I don't want to pay hundreds to get it seen to when I buy the camera I've always wanted.

Oh yeah, I think I want to go into a film course at university as opposed to strictly graphics or illustration. I realised the other day that nothing makes me happier than when I'm writing, filming or editing something for YouTube - and strictly speaking, I'm doing work when I'm doing these things! It's work that I actually enjoy! I've found more and more nowadays that drawing is a complete chore for me and I find it a lot more difficult than editing or creating film, which seems to come naturally to me now. I don't know what course I'd go into at the moment because there's all sorts and I haven't got the first clue about universities, but that's something I should look into I guess.

- missed brit & tash's eel house party
+ missed it to see some really good friends in sheffield
- couldn't afford to get tickets to Matter and now it's sold out :(
- can't afford to go to Scotland for Mhazz's birthday
- can't afford to see Lex and I really want to drive up to her
- couldn't afford to go into London to see Julia Nunes for free
- can't ever afford to go out anywhere or do anything

I NEED A FUCKING JOB!

the sir william robet loosley

2009-01-15T02:38:00.001-08:00

Fucking Maven, why can't they have any fucking jobs for fucking once. They're supposed to be the go-to guaranteed one-stop job opportunity at any given time. Worst of all, I know personally all the people whose fault it is that I don't have that job.

Well time is of the essence and seeing as every other business in the country is crashing and burning every time I turn on the radio I should get in line I guess. I'm applying at the new Wetherspoons in Wycombe because they overheard us talking about our unemploydness when we were in there the other day and informed us of some vacancies they have.

Now, I've never done bar work, but I've done some very busy cafe work and that was very difficult. I can't imagine working in a new flashy and semi-popular pub is going to be easy, especially as I can bet money that they'll whack me on the Friday and Saturday nights. God, this is all assuming I get the job, I might not even get it. But I will. Hopefully.

I have new motive for getting a job. Last night/this morning, I stayed up until 4am chatting to an old pal, Steven, on MSN. He's a DJ, mainly dealing in drum and bass. I've always wanted to learn how to mix tracks and play a coherent set of vinyls/CDs, so we chatted for hours about it and now all I want to do is raise £437 so I can get the essential bits of kit under my belt. I've no idea if I'll ever take it beyond the bedroom but I'd just love to learn about it anyways.

Gotta go to uni now. Charlie just texted me saying 'WHERE ARE YOU I MISS YOU'. N'awww.

PS. Remember that big money plan I had in December where I tried to plan my finances when I had hardly anything coming in - fell through. Square paid me diddlyfuckingsquat and Ted & Annie's cheque was only £25. And I lost it.

linky narnar

2008-12-13T05:36:00.000-08:00

Sweet dillio.

So I called Maven and they don't have any jobs. Everyone's reaction is equally as shocked as the last - this is like the first time in friggin' call centre HISTORY that Maven aren't shoving jobs down the throats of every innocent passerby in High Wycombe, and it happens to be just as I turn unemployed. So for the moment I remain without a job, which is still sweet because I get weekends off to do whateeeever I like, but I don't have any money. Semi-colon open bracket.

However, I think that I'm getting the first half of my money from my neighbours today for feeding their cats. In which case, I should be receiving seventy of Her Majesty's finest pounds sterling in cold hard cash. But they might not give it to me yet, which'd be shit.

I've just undertaken an epic movie downloading marathon via Bit Torrent, because I decided I'm sick of not seeing/having all the films I haven't seen/really want to have.

Got as much Wes Anderson lovin' as I could cram in:
Bottle Rocket
Rushmore
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
The Royal Tenenbaums

None of which I've seen but I'm really looking forward to working through.
I got human traffic randomly just 'cause I've never seen it, and then some classiques which I really want to watch again:

Toy Story
Monsters Inc.
Back to the Future 1, 2 and 3

No more boredom for Ivens!

regretamine

2008-12-06T17:32:00.000-08:00

Wa'gwan?

Ok so weird couple of weeks. Not particularly weird occurences, but I've just been in a weird state of mind what with the all the mind-fucking from all the crazy shit that's happened.

Firstly, I got sacked from Square. Late too many times apparently. This is awful, as I have no job - I was so sure I'd get a job straight away at Maven, but they aren't recruiting until the new year which is so weird because they've ALWAYS got jobs going (or so say my friends who work there, which is like 7 or 8 or maybe more). Maven is so ill because you choose your shifts (ie. no weekend work) and it's really easy; you literally call people and fill in surveys in front of a computer. It's boring, but you start on £6.25 so it's easy money.

So yeah, my source of income over December goes like so:
+ Dec 14th: Neighbours go on holiday, pay me to feed cats, give me half up front - £70.
+ Dec 25th: My Uncle Ted and Aunt Annie give me £50 (standard every year)
+ Dec 27th: I get the paycheck for what I'd worked before I got sacked - £???
+ Dec 28th: Neighbours get back and set me the rest of the dollar - £70

December dollar = £350+

This works pretty well in my favour, considering the ONLY expenditure I'm set on is New Year's eve - we're going to go to some hench London gig. The possibles at the moment are London Elektricity, Simian Mobile Disco amongst others. It's gonna be sooooo ell.

I got my iMac! It's all kitted out and I'm thriving pretty hard on it. 4GB of RAM, CS4 Illustrator, Photoshop, Dreamweaver, InDesign, Fireworks, Flash and more, and a 1TB External Hard Drive. It's pretty sweet. Randomly, getting this lovely new machine inspired me to start making videos again, just after I'd 'announced' my 'leaving' of YouTube. But I'm loving video making again right now.

I definitely would:

She's hot, she's got a hot accent, and she plays bangin' choonz. Definitely would.

wanna see my view of Paris?

2008-11-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

So. Rosie broke up with me. I'm destroyed to say the least. I think this is the first time I've actually been depressed. It's not constant; it's a very up and down situation. When I'm on my own and I get to thinking about it I immediately drop down to my lowest point, but I've been immersing myself in other things as suggested by a very good friend of mine who's been through a lot more depression than I can even begin to start imagining.

I don't like to throw around the phrase 'depression' because I'm sure I'm not truely or clinically depressed, but it's certainly the closest I've ever come to it and it seems an appropriate label for my current condition. This isn't like me. When things get me down, I bounce back within a couple of days, and even then at the worst of times I'm not usually hit very hard. It's in my nature to be positive and to live with an optimistic outlook.

But then again, I've never been in love and lost it all in an instant, so how could I have reached a low like this in my cushy, middle class, suburban household life. It puts things in perspective.

I'm trying my hardest to focus these feelings elsewhere. It's affecting me in ways that I don't want to sit through. I don't want to just stand here and let it slap me around until I feel better about it, I want to go apeshit and spew out some short film or artwork that will bring something positive from this experience. Right now it feels like the only way I can actually channel my depression. Sorry, there I go again openly flinging that word around. Sorry.

I'm not going to detail the situation, but as it stands, Rosie hasn't made any contact with me since Friday (three days). It's honestly felt like a fucking fortnight. I know that she needs space. But all I want to know is that she's ok. I know she'll speak to me when she's ready to, but the distance between us (just under 80 miles; a £30 train ride) propels the situation, for me, into a chasm that doesn't seem to have any visible floor.

After watching The Darjeeling Limited with Miranda tonight I feel like doing nothing more than producing a shortfilm entailing a love story, perhaps involving tragedy, perhaps not. Inspiration is a divine thing. It just sucks that I've had this endlessly frustrating creative block that never lets me produce work. At least not any work that I'm proud of.

I'd like to think this would be an opportunity for me to grasp inspiration by its horns and milk it for every drop it's got, but I can already tell that this will pass and I'll have gained little except real experience in heartbreak and a burnt out sense of being to slowly repair.

Looks like it really has been a bad weekend for once. A really, really fucking bad one.

Fuck this. I wouldn't put my worst enemy through this.

measures

2008-11-12T03:11:00.000-08:00

Wow ok so something brilliant happened this week - I started a band!

Ever since my humiliating experiences of fronting the 4-piece 'pop punk' band that was 'Plan B' five years ago, I've been trying to start a fucking band at least once every two months to no avail; for the simple reason that all my friends who play instruments already play in very good bands -_-

But then, in the week just gone, my pal at work Ben offered me something.

"Mike... you play bass don't you?"
"Yep."
"Are you in a band?"
"No."
"D'ya wanna start one?"
"Yes!"

And in a 4 second conversation, five years of desperately wanting to play music again were culminated, and now here I am one band practice later, off my tits on excitement. Ben and I have a very very similar music taste and our appreciation of good music is completely on the same wavelength. We had one practice together where we just jammed for a while, and the whole way through I was just thinking "this is definitely going to work".

Our basic idea is to use echo FX pedals (so basically you can pluck a string, hit a key on the synth, sing a note or whatever you fancy, and the FX pedal will continually repeat it until you decide to do more repeating stuff over the top, or you can use the modulation nobs to speed it up/slow it down or change the pitch up/down - sounds odd, but it makes for amazing spontaneous beats) with our instruments (bass, guitar, vocals, midi keyboard and macbook) and make some multi-layered indie-dance-electro-break-beat masterpieces. It's sounded fucking sweet from our experiments so far.

I've gone instantly from 'don't touch your bass it doesn't need touching' to 'replace your shitty little bass amp with a fat 100W one, replace your shitty Aria bass with a Fender squier for now, then get a sweet Fender Jaguar next year, buy FX pedals, buy strange kids toys for noise experimentation, etc etc', which is cool because I'm going to enjoy pouring my money into something that's definitely going to have an adverse effect on my life but a very positive result.

We're working under the name of 'Measures' for now. Tell me what you think of it? :)

one day we're gonna live in paris

2008-11-05T17:16:00.000-08:00

Mmm. I love the smell of spontaneous blog in the morning.

So. Looks like I've somehow completely disregarded and missed the Friendly Fires bandwagon by a longshot. I finally went onto their MySpace the other day after a good year of that little voice in my head going "hey, you should check those guys out."

I was totally blown away. They're the first band in ages to actually capture my genuine attention and drop my jaw. Their music is that of the imaginary house party you never went to - I'm talking the one we all dream about. The party to end all parties. The one that's so absolutely crazy and over run with so many fun lovin' people having a brilliant time that the very loud live band in the bedroom (enter Friendly Fires) end up being crowdsurfed downstairs to the living room. And it's the end of the world in a few hours time. And everyone's fucked. And the girls are all really hot. The sort of party with an electric atmosphere that only ever materialises in films.

'Paris', 'Jump in the Pool' and 'On Board' are all, in their own right, absolute classics. But it's 'Paris' that really gets me going; it makes me want to enter the front door of that party, beer and cigarette in hand and explore the house where it's taking place, examining the chaos occuring in each room with a smile from ear to ear.

Maybe I'm just over reacting because I really really like their music, but Friendly Fires seem to be my new love. Listen to them on their MySpace and see for yourself.

I hope you jizz all over yourself as much as I did.

2008-11-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

cholesteatoma sucks

2008-10-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

Okay so i know i've been super lax on blog posts (as in, I've failed to use it for a couple of months or something) but shit's been goin' down so I have an excuse, k?

Firstly I had this rad ear disease called cholesteatoma which actually dissolved away the tiny bones in my ear and within 2-3 years would have reached my brain and ultimately killed me. Sounds like an elaborate joke, but it's not. So I had surgery to get that shit sucked outta me so I'm all better now.

Secondly I did what I always do with my blog; I just forgot about it and then Olly Tutcher (who has a blog now - check it out in my 'associates' section up at the top of the page) reminded me about it so I've picked it back up.

So I guess I should fill you all in (with my semen lololloloolol) by adopting Thom Howe's and CK Lew's plus/minus system:

+ the course is going well. weird arty shit all around
+ i passed my driving test :D
+ i've agreed with my parents that i'm getting an imac for chrimbo WITH CS4 dreamweaver, photoshop, illustrator, flash and indesign AND 4GB of ram (now that's ill)
+ things are still hunky dory with rosie bean
+ ill party timez coming up in wycombe and brighton
- my macbook's still dead to the world
- my 360 got the red ring of death
- i lost my wallet with all my ID's and stuff
- i've quickly learnt that petrol don't come fo' free. in fact, it's very expensive

I could write more but I'll leave it for now 'cause I wanna go watch Sanchez Get High... on MTV - it's basically about Dirty Sanchez going round the world to eat up as many legal highs as possible and get totally wasted dude.

Until next time, here's something i doodled in 3D design whilst bored:

distance yourself from the picture

2008-09-15T09:28:00.000-07:00

So I've started my Art Foundation course and it's pretty cool. I mean, it's all weird and experimental at the moment but it's totally what I need because I'm expanding my artistic mind in ways that A Level and GCSE Art never did.

I mean take for example the first two days:
- Drew 8 small pictures of anything architectural around the university,
- Drew them bigger on bigger pieces of paper,
- Used those pieces of paper to build any sort of structure we wanted,
- Drew said structure with charcoal on A1 paper,
- Drew said structure on new A1 whilst we were stood up - using a 3ft stick and a pot of dye,
- Cut the ink drawing into lots of squares and re-arranged the squares into a random order,
- Found someone we didn't know and stuck both our stuctures together to make one
- Drew the new structure with emulsion and charcoal onto the re-arranged ink drawing

Plus we've been doing weird stuff like drawing with our weak hand, 'drawing' sounds, and all sorts. The way they talk about the projects we've been doing is usually very 'there is no spoon'; it's all very conceptual. It's new to me, but I'm enjoying challenging myself.

Did I hear someone say 'new badmaths doodles'?

They're pretty plain, nothing spectacular, but I'm playing with a few different ideas so that I can bring out new t shirt/hoodies in November. I'm desperate to make a new start for Badmaths Clothing because the first t shirt, in my opinion, was a let down on the design and sales front - I don't expect to become Drop Dead overnight but I've got some strong ideas which I hope people will dig when I let them out in the coming months.

I'll post s'more doodles and ideas I've put down recently in a new post soon. See ya later.

PS. llwwss - I watched City of God finally - too. fuckin'. ill.

"and blogmaths was there too..."

2008-09-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

Q: What's worse than AIDS?

A: Editing your Art Foundation summer project short film with limited/shitty footage on a cluttered old Windows computer with 0.5gb of RAM using Windows Movie Maker which only allows one audio track at a time.

Not a joke. AIDs me up, Scotty, for I would surely be better off.

I'm enrolling at BNU with tomorrow with Charlie, Blanche, George, Liam, Dan Duran and hundreds of people I don't know. And Max Slinn. Lol. I'm anxious more than nervous about it I think, and apparently the first two weeks is solid black and white drawing, experimenting with all sorts of weird shit which sounds boring and tedious - but at the same time I need to be ripped out of my comfort zone for this year to be worth anything so I guess it'll help me in the long term.

So, I've stretched my left ear to a 3 with plans to take it up to a 6 on each side. When I showed my Mum she said "I hate that look". BR0074L. I'd show you a picture of my newly stretched ear wound but my Mac Book's on a downer at the moment and I've gotta get it seen to; yeah, I know, I only just got the fuckin' screen fixed and all.

Also Tom Arnett is gonna cut my hair for me 'cause I need some wickedsick radical stylez now that I'm a uni student. Check TEMH's blog (link is under 'associates' on the top right of this page) soon for some pretty funny photos of a bunch of us at The Antelope last night (no pressure Tom).

we can't stop here - this is bat country.

2008-09-04T02:28:00.000-07:00

Phew, so a lot happened over the past couple of days.

Went to Will's on Tuesday to record for the online radio show we've just started - the planning and recording went SO well! We had such a natural chemistry and it was a lot of fun. One microphone related mistake led to another and before we knew it, it was 9pm, our hour of air time had just started and we'd only just managed to edit half of the show we'd recorded. So we just went ahead and streamed the 28 minutes Will had managed to edit.

We downloaded the stream and eagerly awaited the sound of Gallows (we used 'Belly of a Shark' to open the show) followed by our voices.

But wait; instead of our voices, it was our voices x 2. Will, understandingly, had rushed and unfortunately made a mistake which meant the show has been shat on.

After a while we were just like "Fuck it. Lets go live and apologise", so we did, and then we just kept going with it, and soon realised the spontaneity of doing it live was a lot of fun. We had originally planned to repeat the show at midnight in our second slot, but seeing as we had no show to repeat, I went home and when the clock struck 12, Will did his own thang and went solo for an hour. It was a lot of fun and a few of us were listening and interacting with Will by the end of the show.

I think we're gonna do it next Tuesday 9th at 9pm? I'll tell you guys if it isn't. You need to head over to live.freecast.co.uk if you wanna listen when we go live. We'll have a MySpace up very soon as well, which will foretell all of our future slots.

That night, I went home and had a feast the likes I haven't seen since I was a young'un. Myself and Rosie has this each:

- 4 fish fingers

- 2 potato waffles

- 1 tin of spaghetti shapes

Rosie had Disney Princess shapes, I had Thomas the Tank Engine shapes (I fucking loved that train).

I'm writing the script for my short film that I'm doing for my BCUC Summer project at the moment. It's inspired by Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which I watched again yesterday. I'd rather my work was something completely original but it's too late now, I really have to use what I've got.

So basically it's about a guy who takes a pill and trips out and there's a little ceramic bunny with demon eyes following him everywhere for a few hours. Of course, when I've finished it, I'll post it on YouTube and put it on the blog here. Which reminds me - shit, I really need to do a Blogmaths. Toodles.

with my brains and your brawn we'll make an excellent team

2008-09-01T10:32:00.000-07:00

Half Life 2 on Xbox 360 and on PC are two very different games. I mean, they're the same, but using a mouse and a keyboard makes things so much easier! Controlling Gordon Freeman with two joysticks makes quick aiming near impossible.

It's still good to be playing Half Life again though 'cause it's been a few years and it was a pretty integral part of my gaming childhood, but it turns out Portal is on a different level of awesome because it's just so clever (except I'm stuck on the last level of Chapter 1 and refuse to Google for a walk through - it just seems impossible) and I'm gonna try out Team Fortress 2 tonight with Jona - I'm expecting good things from it.

Rosie's making me watch Enchanted right now. The lame-o-meter would be bustin' a few springs were it not for the fact that there have been two or three genuinely humorous moments. Obviously, being a girl, Rosie's eatin' that shit up like noodles. Blegh.

She's blowing raspberries in my ear to get me to stop writing this blog so I better go.

PS. If you get the reference in the title to this post, you automatically have my respect and admiration. If not, get educated.

as they say in the business, let's get the 'eff' out of here

2008-08-31T09:52:00.000-07:00

Ok so the rain outside is pretty intense. Apparently there's gonna be thunder storms tonight. Sweet. I like sitting in my cosy bed when it's all stormy outside.

Also tonight I have three things to look forward to:
a) Rosie's coming down until Friday
b) I bought The Orange Box (for you 360 noobs it's basically the best game package you can buy)
c) I've worked 33 hours in the last 4 days, but I have the next two days off

I'm gonna go back to Orange Box for a second, because it deserves a special mention. Basically it's got Half Life 2 (I'm not joking when I say it's the best game I've ever played) and the two mini-sequels that came after it (Episode 1 and Episode 2) and it ALSO has Portal, a completely unique puzzle/action game which I've heard a lot about and can't wait to play, AND it has Team Fortress 2, which is a 'shoot-the-shit-out-of-anything-living' multiplayer which just looks sweet. All on one CD which I got pre-owned for £22.99.

Also, I'm starting an internet radio show with my friend Will where we'll he'll be playing hardcore and I'll be playing indie, and we'll be having general banter. We're recording tomorrow night. I'll post a URL before the show goes out live on Tuesday night, but keep checking back for it.

accidental hallucinogenic

2008-08-29T18:21:00.000-07:00

ok, so in food and drink, today's agenda consisted of:
- two slices of cold toast
- one relentless
- one tesco egg & bacon sandwich
- one peanut butter kitkat chunky
- one tesco belgian chocolate milkshake
- one slice of cold pizza
- one tin of sour cream & onion pringles
- two cans of special brew
- one bowl of kellogs special k
- one fish finger butty
- one glass of water

Looking back on that, I don't really do myself any favours haha.

And from one list to another - Reading festival 08 summarised:
- I partook in a lot of illegal trade
- I drank a lot of beer
- I lost £10 worth of tobacco
- I lost my wallet containing £250
- I vomitted
- I forgot my sleeping bag
- I bought a new sleeping bag for £15
- I forgot my shorts
- I rolled up my jeans to make shorts
- I ate a lot of beans and toast
- I got a very uneven tan
- I did laughing gas
- I accidentally did a strong hallucinogenic (don't ask)
- I shouted at Welsh people via megaphone

that list could go on for a very long time, but that's fairly comprehensive.

I can't believe everyone's going to uni. Weird.

bath noob

2008-08-29T03:17:00.000-07:00

I never ever have baths, but when i do, i always make some noobie mistake - like just after reading fest a few days ago, i had a bath, but i stood up in the bath and reached for my towel. big mistake! i dangled it in the bath water by accident so a good portion of it was saturated with water. i'm such a bath noob.

I felt like starting up the blog again 'cause temh and ck lew and llwwss are sailing pretty strong on the ocean of blog right now and i miss doing entries.

'Bad Weekend' is the title of an Art Brut song by the way. I figured it might well be a befitting name for many of my blog entries to come, seeing as I'm stuck in Wycombe for another year...

PS. I must have some subconscious obsession with 'bad ___ '. I didn't even see the correlation between 'bad maths' and 'bad weekend' until just now. Ah well.